At a point in my life I decided that I would believe in something irrational, superstitious, impossible and down right stupid. I decided that I would take a chance and succomb to something I would normally find myself cringing at. You see, as much as I would like to believe, I am not your typical girl. I despise the thought of having crushes, I pry away from the thought of such a thing of being "meant to be" and all that shit but when desperation, boredom and the suckiness of constantly being broken kicks in, you find yourself at a weak point and start believing in things you don't want to. In my case, I decided to start wishing.

I don't wish, I plan. I set goals. Because these things, I can control. I can fix, I can change.

My weapon of choice? 11:11.

Why? Beats me. But it beat wishing on stars, tossing pennies into fountains and whatever it is people use to wish on. 11:11 is stupid, I know. It's as fctional as any other procedure but I felt like it was something special that suited me. The rules were, I would never alarm, never wait for it and leave it up to coincidence that when I stopped to check the time fate would take its place in my life and let me wish away to my hearts content.

For a very long time, I only had one wish. And that wish to find someone who was meant for me and who I  was meant for. Maybe it turned into some sort of religious-superficial ritual because I wished and prayed for this to God- any God, given my religious views that I stand so closely by now.

But as I went along, I sort of came to the impression that I was selfish. Wishes afterall are meant to be selfish and shallow otherwise, you wouldn't wish for them to begin with. Love is fictional, everybody knows that. You can believe in it all you want and never know if you have it or not. Sometimes it's there and other times you just sit around wondering f that really is what it is. I don't want love to be like that though which is why I used to fathom over fairytales and whatnot... fiction, laid down loud and clear.

I guess I just grew out of the thought that  we can be in love all the time. I believe that you can love someone all the time but honestly, the prior, I'm not so sure of. So I changed my wish. It's 8:43 on Paolo's desktop right now and if IF by chance or fate I catch 11:11 tonight, my only wish is that if I am with the person I am meant to be with and who is meant for me, if God lets me cast my wish upon something so unsure, it would be that I will always have the ability to make the person I love happy. Generally happy despite the ups and downs and the winds and twirls. Not so selfish? I would like to believe so.

So 11:11, be good to me. I am foolish and I believe in the unreal but I am only human afterall, and a very weak and girly one at that.

Issa

Do you think that we are meant to be with one person for the rest of our lives?

Or that we were meant to be with all the people we were with in the past so that when the right one finally comes along we know how lucky we are?

I hope God wrote me this wonderful love story where it's good and it's bad and it gets better and it lasts. :3

I'd like to believe that you feel everything I feel when I say it to you,

that you feel the way I do and it's not just me but both of us.

That you take me seriously.

That even if things are changing, and if our feelings should change too, then it would only become stronger.

That despite my mistakes and my immature wants that are often perceived as need, you don't look at me differently.

That this is where I am supposed to be.

And that you are who I am supposed to be with.

I love you. And I hope you know that. And I hope it's not too much for you.

I'd translate exhausted in every language but.. I really just... can't.